that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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