I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
