dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
