What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
