i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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