You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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