i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
