just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
