I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
