When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize