ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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