Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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