All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
