i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize