I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
