ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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