Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
love makes seman taste better
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize