Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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