I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
