My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
