Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize