yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
