he looks like a really good dad on facebook
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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