when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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