Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
