I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
