dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
