Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
