Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
