Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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