I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
handjob tips. give me some.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
