Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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