theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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