She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
