I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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