just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
