Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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