Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
