I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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