I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
