so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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