oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
