Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
