He told me they were just razor bumps!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
