I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
