My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
