on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
