Swine flu. Run for my life!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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