i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
