I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
