Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
