You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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