He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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