"it" just moved
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
