well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
