that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
