dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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