I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
