just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
