I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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