I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize